TANGY NEWSPAPER FLAVOURS

(This blog is a reply to Jug Suraiya’s article ‘Sundaes Forever’ in Juggle-Bandhi, Edit Page, Humour, of the 26th Mar’21 Times of India print edition. You can check out this lovely piece at this link: Sundaes Forever. Times of India didn't allow me posting my reply to the article citing inappropriate content. So, I thought of posting it on my blog) 

Enjoyed reading your piece Sir. Will surely try the Haldi ice-cream :) 

This reminds me, I have tried Khakra with multiple flavours - jeera, methi, pav bhaji, masala, chilly tomato, orange, mango, chocolate, Pani Puri and even pizza flavour. 

In fact, when I went through the 26th Mar’21 Times of India Delhi print, it also had multiple flavours. The front page had an assortment of flavours with news of Covid, shootouts, feminism, politics, and a glamorous murder story. The murder article also provided the secret recipe on how to use Thallium to kill someone! 

Flipping through advertisements trying to sell you I-phones, home appliances, coolers, Times Group’s products, I landed on Times City pages which had the chilly flavour – teekha political and crime news with a hint of sweet Covid safety news, fight against pollution and Holi recipes. 

Trying to find my way out from the maze of Consumer Connect Initiatives, I landed on the Times Nation pages. This had the nation’s favourite – Pav Bhaji flavour. Patriotic news on how well the government is fighting for women’s voice, productive parliament sessions, the military’s fight against terrorism, building Indo-Korea ties and an entire page of economic optimism. Add a little Covid doomsday stories, reservation issue and corruption stories and you will go gaga on this flavour. 

Bored of tossing 23 pages, I finally land on the Editorial Page. This had the jeera flavour – my personal favourite. This flavour has existed since the time newspaper was born but not many relishes it today. It had core articles on politics, mental health and spirituality with a pinch of humour from Dilbert and Jug. 

Finally, to keep all flavours happy, it got one page each on business, global news and sports towards the end of this thick white book. 

I hope that one day the newspaper gets newer healthy flavours which talk more about how good politicians have shaped the country, individuals and businesses who have triumphed despite all odds, NGOs working towards creating a better society and ideas and initiatives on creating a better world to live in.

Cheers!

(Please send me your comments, suggestions and criticisms at nishant.agrl1986@gmail.com)

WHY YOU SHOULD'NT HAVE TOO MANY BANK ACCOUNTS

Individual must have a max of 2 saving accounts.
One with nationalised bank and
Second with a pvt sector bank.
Alternatively, one can be linked to savings and other with investments.

Why not more?

1. Inconvinient- problem of having many account numbers, pins, debit cards and documents. Adding all petty interest in these accounts for tax purpose also adds to your woes. If u forget to tax them and then if found by IT officers then you are in a fix.

2. Not safe. - Cases have come where frauds have happened involving embezzlement of money in accounts which are dormant.

3. Unused accounts become dormant. There are a number of restriction on the use of such accounts. And significant charges apply too.

4. Opportunity cost - Money lying idle in unused accounts which fetch interest of only around 3.5%.

Its always better to close excess accounts. Or you can convert them into saving cum fixed deposit accounts wherein excess money over a specific limit gets transferred to FD.

Note:

Dormant accounts with negative balance dont get reflected in your credit report as told by Credit Information Bureau.

Note:

Around 10 million bank accounts idle and 1360 crore rupees unused in them. (As given by RBI on 31 dec 2009)

Note:

Normally account with no transactions upto 1 yr makes it inactive and beyond 2 yrs dormant.

SOURCE: MINT 5 JAN 2011

The Joy of Learning

I have always been one of those who love to grow in life. And I believe you love it too. There is an immense pleasure and satisfaction in knowing that I am a better person today than I was yesterday. There is a feel-good factor of learning something new, something which you haven’t known or done before. I consider my day wasted if I haven’t added a brownie point of learning to it. Every brownie point earned helps me grow and makes my life beautiful. Happiness then comes automatically, as a by-product.

The important aspect of growing is with all of us and in everything we do. Redundancy, monotony and doing something repetitive are a big ‘No’. We hate jobs where the tasks are the same boring ones everyday. Though sometimes we become complacent in staying at the status-quo position; but given an option to change the work schedule or the job itself, we surely would opt for it. Nobody likes failing in an examination. One big reason for it is that we don’t want to read or do the same things again!

The aspect of learning applies to relationships too. Many relationships don’t succeed because after a certain period of time, we are unable to find anything new in the other person or learn something from him/her. Or it so happens that the two individuals are not able to do something fresh together. The relationship is simply not growing.

So, I believe that one of the mantras to stay happy and satisfied with your life is to keep on learning. There are various ways of increasing our learning curve. Learning can be from books, experience, people, from circumstances or by just being ourselves and learning with the passage of time. I will try to explore these aspects in my further writings. Let’s see what comes out of it.

By the way, I have earned a brownie point by writing on my blog. If you have enjoyed reading this blog-post or if it has given you any value-addition, you have earned a brownie point too!

Cheers!

(Please give me your comments and suggestions. I intend to increase my learning curve. You can mail me at nishant_agrl@rediffmail.com)

HANG ON!! THE RESULTS ARE COMING…

10th January, 2009

The CA final exams are over long back. We have tried to balance those eight subjects on our heads for the whole rainy season, broken our heads in the exam hall for 16 dreadful days during autumn and discussed those papers for n number of times in the shivering winter.
Spring is now going to come when the weather would become a little warmer, leaves and flowers would start growing again and mother Earth would become as beautiful as God ever wanted it to be. Makar Sankranti would be celebrated with Til-Gudh to mark the change in the season and spread the message of good cheer and happiness. It would be around the same time when our results would be out.

Results, results, results…
So, are we worried about the results? Of course, we are!
Bhagwat Gita has said “Karma karo, phal ki ichha mat karo.” Now, come on, let’s accept it. Had Lord Krishna would have given the CA final exams; he would have surely added an exception to the above rule!
We are not much bothered whether Israelis are bombing Palestinians, the 26/11 mayhem, the state elections or the current economic slowdown or even the world depression. What we are interested in is getting those golden 40s and the beautiful 400 figure mark! After all, this is going to be one of the crucial moments which will shape our future.

The last few days…
The last few days before the results are the most interesting. Anxiety is at its peak. The heart continuously does a tick-tack-toe of ‘pass-fail-pass’. Every single chat, discussion or gossip would feature students trying to tease each other, “Bas kya! Tu toh guarantee pass hoga. Bas rank kya aayega yeh pata nahin. Mera toh kuch saccha nahin. Nahin pass hone wala main.” And while the student says this, he would silently pray to God, “Oh God, I have studied very hard for the past many days. Please…”

The ICAI website would suddenly become very popular among the students. Everyone would speculate on the best day when the results would be out. “Shayad 14th, VK Sir ne kaha 16, nahin 17, pagal 12…” And the discussion would end with, “Ohh…Jane do na. Jab aayega tab pata chal jayega. Lekin tujhe pata chala toh zaror batana!”

Everyone would try to spend their last few days of their lives in the best possible manner. However, nervousness is so high that no one is able to concentrate on his office work, studies or any other activity. The same old reply comes, “Ab aur nahi saha jata. Bas results aa jaye. Phir sochunga kya karna hain!”

The decisive moment…
I passed. I am a Chartered Accountant!!

They say that ‘nothing succeeds like success’. Success provides one with a sense of importance which is always craved by every human being.
One achieves immense happiness and deep satisfaction on becoming a winner. The heart feels like dancing. The world all of a sudden looks lush green and beautiful. He feels like being at the top of the world. The greatest source of joy comes at the looks of happy and smiling faces hugging and congratulating him.
He would feel so good when parents and teachers would say, “My son, my student has made me proud today!” He would never want this moment to pass away.

The coming days would be spend in distributing sweets, partying with family and friends and receiving best wishes and blessings for a bright and successful future. He would daydream for a very long time about the accomplishment he has made. But, he would also wish, “Thode marks aur mil jate toh aur acchaa hota!”

The only question which would then remains is, ‘What next?”
In words of C.A Farooq Haque, “The day a student becomes a Chartered Accountant; he would be standing in a desert where every grain of sand is an opportunity. He would have to make a difficult decision of making a choice.”
And this choice would be a starting step into the big bad world, face challenges, handle the expectations of the society and bear the responsibilities of everyone.

For many of us, a sense of professional egoism will slowly seep in. A feeling of knowing something which the common man doesn’t understand, of having an edge over the rest and being not just a face in the crowd. A sense of being a member of a dignified and respected profession where opportunities are abound and money knows no boundaries.

It would all depend upon an individual’s moral character and consciousness about professional ethics which would separate the good from those who perpetuate a fraud and sign fake balance sheets like those of Satyam, Enron and their likes.

But, not everyone is lucky…
I flunked!

Failure is one of the most painful emotions. A persons dream is shattered. It would hurt his self-esteem. He feels like being betrayed by his own self. The efforts and hard work undertaken by him for such a long time looks fruitless. Hundreds of questions crop up, a feeling emerges that no one would understand the pain which he is going through. He feels like being in the middle of nowhere. He feels the pinch of being left behind while others are a step ahead of him. He would switch off his mobile and try to be aloof; away from the rest of the world. His friends would find it very difficult to console the troubled soul.
The attitudes of people suddenly would change towards him. He would suddenly feel like being an alien into the same eyes who used to smile at him a few minutes before. It’s a sad reality that a loser is never sympathized by the rest of the world.

In spite of all the moral support, the battle has to be fought alone. It would be a time when a person’s mental strength would be thoroughly tested. Many of those who failed would lessen their sorrows by washing them away in their tears, by venting out their feelings to their loved ones or by just realizing that failure is just a speed-breaker on the road of life. But for those who cannot, it becomes a thorn, which resides deep into the heart which would prickle you whenever occasion demands.

But then, let’s try to introspect and let bygones be bygones. The sooner we forgive ourselves, the sooner we would be able to stand again to face the bitter reality. And the one who fights back in spite of all the odds emerges out to be a true winner. One attains victory which would be celebrated and cherished forever.

Everything said; it’s very difficult to portray human emotions on a piece of paper. These can only be felt.
Hold on to your seats. It’s the final countdown. The clock is still ticking…
WISH YOU ALL THE VERY BEST!!
(Please wish for me too)

(Send me your comments, suggestions and criticisms at nishant_agrl@rediffmail.com)

THE JOY OF LAUGHTER

19th December,2008

They say that laughter is the best medicine.

A laugh is just like sunshine,
It freshens all the day,
It tips the peak of life with light
And drives the clouds away;
The soul grows glad that hears it
And feels its courage strong;
A laugh is just like sunshine,
For cheering folks along.
A laugh is just like music
It lingers in the heart,
And where its melody is heard,
The ills of like depart;
And happy thoughts come crowding
Its joyful notes to greet;
A laugh is just like music
For making living sweet.
- Anonymous

Following are some of the incidents from my life wherein I had a very good laugh at myself. Probably, it may a smile on your faces too. Whatever may be the case, it’s a very simple way to keep one’s ego under control.

Ø Modern Ramayana:

It was during my childhood days. In our apartment, Ganesh Festival was celebrated with loads of joy and enthusiasm. One elderly Didi wrote a script of a fun-filled modern Ramayana play jam packed with all Hindi movie dialogues. Since I was the eldest of all the kids, I was given the role of Ravana! The play started. The scene came when Ravana had to abduct Sita (she was a little girl five years younger to me). Completely mad in love for her, Ravana started dancing around Sita singing, “I was made for loving you baby, kya khayal hain bol…bol baby bol!!” Imagine a very thin looking Ravana trying to propose an oversized Sita!! The audience roared with laughter. Sadly, like always, good won over evil and Ravana was killed in the end. Bechara main!

Now since I have grown up, I have decided to ask Didi to redo the play with the same characters and some itsy-bitsy changes, wherein, a beautiful bubbly girl would be cast as Sita. So, when Ravana abducts her and takes her to his palace, she would slowly fall in love with him. And, when Ram comes to rescue her with all his stupid monkeys, she would give him a straightforward reply, “Hum dil de chuke sanam!” And then Ravana and Sita would live happily ever after. Kya love story hai!!

Ø Its ringing:

Soon after 12th, I left for Pune to pursue the CA profession. I was going to a new city, a new place where I hardly knew anything or anyone. It was a time when I had to make friends, face new challenges and grab emerging opportunities all by myself.

It was my first day at Zaware’s classes. We all strangers were quietly sitting in room 201 anxiously waiting for the professor to come. It was pin-drop silence. Suddenly someone’s cell phone started ringing. The high pitched ring-tone completely disturbed the peace and serenity of the class. Every student started craning his neck to have a glimpse at the culprit. I personally got very angry. What the hell does he think of himself? No manners whatsoever, trying to show off, as if we don’t possess a mobile phone? Stupid, idiot, @#$%, $%^&*@ etc. etc. The phone continued ringing shamelessly.

Suddenly I felt that the noise was coming from somewhere nearby. Instinctively, I put my hands in my pockets. It was my phone that was ringing!!!

Ø Jadoo:

It was a perfect accident.
I was driving down Shastri road to drop my friend to his hostel (after completing a college practical in second year). It was around 10pm with no signals, no traffic and dead silence. A fast running red Pulsar hit my red Scooty pep right in front of Lakdi Pul Police Chowki with two Hawaldars standing outside! Only I got injured and was promptly helped by the good policemen.

I was immediately admitted in Pune Hospital. The nurse asked me to sit on the wheelchair so as to go to the other end of the corridor to get the X-ray done. I protested saying that my legs were fine and can walk easily. “Sit down!” she thundered. For the first time ever I had sat on a wheelchair and that too with my legs being in the pink of health!

My ring finger was fractured (good it was only a fracture; else, it would be so difficult for me a wear a ring!). The doctor informed that only bandaging would be needed. However, he tied my fingers in such a fashion that only three fingers became visible. I was crowned with the nickname Jadoo since that day!!

Ø Stuntman:

It was during my trip to Kodaikanal in second year. Our train left Pune and reached Coimbatore around 12am where we had to get down with our luggage. While everyone was getting down, I was busy searching for the lock of my suitcase (for which I had the keys!). Completely messed up, I got down but forgot to get my suitcase.
The train had started moving.....
I realized my mistake......climbed back on the moving train...grabbed my luggage....made a 20m sprint...and then…
Jumped.

Fortunately, I safely landed on the inspector on the platform and didn’t suffer any injuries. That’s a different case the inspector had gone all mad on me!Believe me, though this stunt would look good in a movie, it was the dumbest thing to do in real life!

Ø Stage fear:

The first National Convention for CA students was going to be held in Pune with our professors being the organizers. They were trying their best to motivate the students to participate in delivering study papers at the convention. Since I am a traditional bookworm and never believed in such activities, I was least bothered. But, God knows what stung me; I decided to try my luck. I made some preparations, submitted my paper and it got selected!

Soon the day arrived when I had stand before 300 odd students and the most eminent professionals in the CA industry.
I had rented almost everything from my friends including hair gel, formals and shoes.
I sat on the stage with five other students anxiously waiting for the second technical session to begin. The session commenced. My heart in tandem started beating profoundly all ready to jump down the stage into the audience! I could hardly hear my previous four orators speak!! It felt like a stethoscope being stuck into your ears! I had become very nervous and self conscious. So, I would look at my friends sitting in front of me, or at the speaker, or the glass of water or just look down; desperately trying to recall all the words I had memorized!
Finally my chance came.
I stumbled once or twice, but, on the whole, the speech came out fine enough. As it is, all’s well that end’s well. It became one of the biggest successes of my life!!

Ø Lukkhagiri:

Mood Indigo is one of the biggest cultural festivals organized by IIT Bombay in which more than 50000 students participate. It was last December. Being a CA final student, bunking law classes and office was a crime in itself! In spite of all the protests, I decided to attend the four days celebration along with my school friends.

It was the first day evening. DJ Akbar Sami had come to rock the party at the pool side. Only couple entries were allowed. Now I and my friend are typical lukkhas. It was a hell difficult task for us to approach a girl and ask her for a dance, especially in a city like Mumbai. We tried our best for an hour but all in vain. Koi bhav hi nahi de raha! We both were dejected, disappointed and our ego being hurt the most.

Suddenly I realized that we were not the only ones. There was hundreds of our category with their drooping faces desperately on the look of a girl to pass by!! It was the first time I realized how bad is the sex ratio in our country!
Meanwhile, my friend was finally able to persuade two coordinators. Sadly, we were too late and the entries were closed. I was laughing my head off especially at the angry swollen face of my friend!

Ø The shopping fiasco:

It was during my Nepal tour this June. I went out for shopping with my parents in Katmandu. We asked the taxi driver to take us to the Bisal market. He asked us, “Which one you have to go? There are five in Katmandu!!” Now how the hell would we know which one we had gone two days back!
Still we got into the taxi and left for some Bisal bazaar. The driver dropped us to one end of Katmandu where no such bazaar was in sight!

After a lot of grumbling and cursing the driver we left in another cab to Bhat Bhatini, a big shopping mall in the city. After being stuck in a traffic jam for more than an hour, we finally reached our destination.

And then we shopped. I purchased two jeans. Since my height doesn’t match the likes of my age, I gave the jeans to the tailor outside but attached to the mall for alteration. We finally finished our shopping around 8.30pm. Before leaving, I went to the tailor to get my clothes.
The most obvious thing happened. The tailor’s shop was closed! We found ourselves in a pickle. We had to leave the city the next day early morning. The tailor was on a contract basis, the mall didn’t have the tailor’s no. and they could not give us a refund since the mall could not resell such altered clothes.
After a lot of deliberations, dad was able to convince the owner to refund the purchase.
The day ended with our heads held in our hands with memories of the most momentous shopping experience ever.

We have a very short life on planet Earth. With increasing number of terrorist strikes, accidents, diseases and disorders; life has become increasingly uncertain. Let us laugh, enjoy and live our life.
In words of Ernestine Ulmer, “Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first”
Kya pata, kal ho na ho!

Sayonara.

(Please send me your comments, suggestions and criticisms at nishant_agrl@rediffmail.com)

I AM A DIETICIAN

13th May, 2008

All characters in this story are fictitious and resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.

A Dietician is an expert in the study of diet and nutrition.

Not much time had elapsed for Pooja to become a dietician. With a desire to stand on her own feet and start a business of her own, she decided to open her very own office in her home town Aurangabad. It took some time but ultimately she was able to have her own customized office at Osmanpura. The five hundred sq feet establishment bore a dark shade of pink (can’t be nothing else than Shalimar paints) and a shining white board which read: “Miss Pooja Gupta: Dietician (Advisor and Consultant)”. It was but obvious that the office was worth noticing for all the on-lookers passing by that area.

The office had one of the best contemporary interiors rarely found in any of the commercial establishments in the city. The magnificent desk, wooden doors and cabinets were all made of sandalwood with all the ultra modern gadgets neatly installed.
The lady neatly sat on a plush reclining chair. She was quietly observing all the pictures on the adjacent walls bearing merits of nutritious food, good disciplined eating habits and nutrition requirements of our body. Three days had elapsed since opening of the office but not a single client had turned up. A bit disappointed she was but was also confident that things will turn around soon. Pooja was not a loser and was not going to give up so easily.

Gold struck on the fourth day. It was sharp 11 am in the morning. Someone knocked at the door and entered her cabin. It was a sight worth watching. Pooja was completely shaken and bewildered. A very tall and hefty elderly man with a long moustache draped in a white kurta, white dhoti and a white turban with his wife were staring down at her. A bit perplexed; she gave the man a faint smile and asked them to take the seats.
She asked, “How may I help you?”
“Oh madam, kay sangu tumhala. Majhya mulacha lagna aahe daha divsat. 90 kilo jhalay majha vajan. Kamit kamit 20 kilo kami karun pahije.”
It is said that your first customer is God sent and it is a bad omen to turn this person away. So,
She said, “Sir kasa aahes ki majha kaam...”
“ madam tumhi paishyanchi kadji ka getahet. Fees kiti aahe tumchi?”
“Sir majha aiika...”
“Tumhi fakta fees sanga...”
Now it was getting annoying. Getting control over herself; she said,
“Eka visit che 1000 rupey”
The peasant and her wife were completely horrified. Tears started streaking down their swollen faces. With a sore throat and his hands joined in prayer; the man said,
“1000 rupey!! Madam aamhi garib manus. Evadha anayay karu naka. Pandhari gawat aamcha ek chotosa shet aahes. Ya varshi pawus pan padla nahi. Tya nalayak savkar kadun karz ghetala mi lagnasathi. Majhe azun don mula aahet.”
Suddenly, he got up and called his children who were waiting outside. The kids came running hearing the voice and entered the cabin. Not being able to bear the tears in their parents’ eyes, they also started howling. It was a tearful moment. The man said,
“Madam, ha Swanand aani ha Vinit. Ha aamcha kutumb”.
The peasant’s wife now started howling and was quite professional in doing that feat. People started to gather outside the office to comprehend the situation. Things were now going out of hand. Pooja felt like tearing all her hair out. Somehow, she escorted the family outside with loads of sincere apologies to them and all the on-lookers. With a long drooping face, she descended to her cabin to find some solace.

It was 12 noon.
The sun was shining bright onto the sky. Pooja had quite regained control over herself. Sitting in her cozy chair with a book on ‘Health and Happiness’, she was relishing the cool air from her Voltas Air Conditioner. However, the thoughts of the earlier incident were still lingering in her mind. Somebody knocked at her cabin door. A healthy lady in a brightly colored pink saree entered. Her typical Marwadi appearance with a beautiful smile worn on her face provided some comfort to her.
Pooja initiated the conversion.
“How may I help you?”
The lady got really excited. It was like she was waiting all her life for this particular moment. She started off in a high pitched tone,
“Kya batau madam. Kal bahurani ne sara ghar sar pe utha liya tha. Samjhti kya hai apne aap ko! Thoda videsh main kya reh liya, apne aapko Hillary Clinton samajh baithi. Bolti hai ki ghar pe sirf continental food banega. Ab aap hi batao; khane main koi salad aur kacchi sabzi khata hai kya? Maine toh keh diya hi is ghar pe khana meri hi pasand ka banega. Kaha apna shahi Rajasthani khana aur kaha woh sukhi phul patti ka. Aur kitna bolti hai woh. Non-stop! Uska muh band hi nahi rehta!”
Interestingly, Pooja was amazingly calm. Probably, she was enjoying this chatter-box. She said, “Ha main samjhti hoon. Lekin aapne mere pas aane ka kasht kyu kiya?”
“Are haan, main toh bhool hi gayi! Unhone kaha ki pados main nayi madam rehne ko aai hain. Thodi jaan pehchan bana lena. Aakhir ek padosi hi dusre padosi ke kaam aate hain. Waise aapne interiors kiske pas se karaya hain? Bahot khoobsurat hain!”
Pooja retorted back, “Thank you! Waise main ek dietician hoon. Mera kaam…”
“Haan, pata hain. Hum piche wale bangle main rehte hain. Kabhi khane pe zaroor aana. Aapko khas dal bati khilongi. Chalti hoon. Bye.”
She got up and began to leave. Coming by the door side, she said, “by the way, aap wazan kitne din main kam kar ke deti hain?”
Pooja started boiling again. She got up fumingly, poised to throw the nearest object at hand. The lady hurriedly ran away looking at her grim face.

A few minutes later her phone rang. It was an SMS. Shraddha’s. Pooja felt good that her friends were there at least who still remembered her and would help her in times of need. The SMS read, ‘Hi Pooja, long time. Hope everythin is goin gr8. Sufferin from a really bad cold. Should I take Crocin or Sinarest?’
Utterly puzzled, she replied, ‘I m so sorry. hv no idea.’
Shraddha answered back a few minutes later. ‘Its ok. U r a dietician. Thought u must be knowin!’
The phone came down with a loud thud. Its good that Nokia phones are sturdy and shock-proof to bear such kind of emotional pressures!
Pooja started to realize that something was going terribly wrong. Her mind was flooded with all kinds of stupid thoughts. Either she had gone crazy to take this profession or the people in Aurangabad have lost their mind. Anyways, there are always ups and downs in life. Keeping a positive mind and loads of hope, she proceeded for her lunch at 1.30pm.

After all the hard work before lunch; Pooja was having a wonderful nap in her office. A knock at her door woke her beauty sleep. She called, “Please come in.”
A tall and handsome young man swathed in formal clothing took his seat. Pooja immediately got the intuition that it meant business. Luck at last.
“How may I help you?”
He replied in a strong commanding voice, “Are you a dietician?”
Pooja replied, “Yes, I am.”
The man was studying her office very carefully. Finally, he said, “From where have you got your formal education done for the degree of dietician?”
“From the Indian Institute of Nutrition and Health. But why are you asking this question?”
“From where and for how long have you done your internship?”
“Excuse me! Who are you to…?”
“Have you attained the four years requisite experience before starting your own practice? Have you completed the 250 hours course on office management?
Have you attained the Certificate of Practice from the IIHS, Virginia, USA?”
Now enough is enough! Pooja retorted, “Who the hell are you to question me?”
“I am a field officer from the International Institute of Health Science. I have the responsibility to regulate the profession of dietician…”
Pooja was exasperated. She thundered, “Now you listen to me carefully. This is my country and my jurisdiction. The constitution of my country and the laws which are in force gives me full independence to carry out the profession of my choice. You have no right, whatsoever, to question my authority. Now before I call anyone to throw you out, get your nose out of my office!!”
The man vanished from the sight the next instant. He was never seen in the city again.

Pooja was standing shivering after that incident. Her body and mind had become totally numb. She had exhausted all her capacity to bear any more torture. The world however does not always work as per our wishes. Somebody knocked at the door. Pooja started praying to her God; please no more excitement. By heavens grace, it was Jeetu, her old school friend. She heaved a sigh of relief.
“Kya Pooja! Dhanda Pani kaisa chal raha hai?”
“ Mat pooch yaar. Aurangabad main sab pagal bhare hue hain.”
Jeetu was laughing, “He he. Suna maine. Tune wazan ghatane ki dukan khol ke rakhi hain!!”
She had got the right person to express her sorrows. She spoke everything in and out about what happened. After reaching a sense of contentment, she finally concluded,
“By the way, looks like you are working a lot on your physique. Acche lag rahe ho!”
“Thanks Pooja. Wanted to ask you something. Should I work more on cardiovascular exercises or on weights? Should working only on the upper body would be sufficient?”
“Sorry yaar. I don’t have any knowledge regarding that subject”
“ Nahi kya! Tu dietician hain na. Pata hona chahiye!”
Pooja snapped, “What do you think I am, a fitness expert! You all are the same. Probably someone is conspiring against me. Now please leave me alone before I do something bad.”
“Aila la! Bhadakti kyu hai? Main toh mazak kar raha tha. Jane de, see u tomorrow. Aur dimag thoda thanda rakh. Nahi toh pagal ho jayegi.”

Pooja felt like sobbing but then she tried to hold herself up. The phone rang again.
She received the call, “Hello?”
“Hi Pooja! Rachana here. Pehchana kya?”
Pooja got excited. She said, “So glad to hear from you. You software engineers hardly get time for anything else. Aaj is nacheez ko kaise yaad kar liya?”
“ Aise hi. I have taken some time off from work. Wanted to rest for some time. Mostly at home. Learning to do cooking.”
“That’s good. Toh aaj khane main kya ban raha hai?”
“I am working on Dum aalu. Dad ko bahot pasand hai. Ek baat bata, main dhaniya 2 chammach dalu ki 3? Aur haldi kitni dalnli padti hain?”
“I have never learnt making Punjabi dishes. You can ask my sister, she is an expert”
“Nahi kya? No problemo. I thought you are a dietician. You must know!!”
The line went dead.

Without any second thought, Pooja started to pack up. It was already 5 in the evening and she could not stand any more. Her profession was becoming scarier by the minute. There was a knock at the door. Two teenagers were eagerly waiting to enter in. Horrified, she said, “Sorry, but I am closing my office. Nothing for today.”
The boys said, “Please madam. We are BBA students. We have to do a project on the works of a dietician. Rahul Mahajan has sent us.”
Rahul was a good friend of her. It would be inappropriate to send the students away. She said, “Ok. Please have your seats. What do you want to know?”
“What are the benefits of good nutrition and the role of a dietician in the same?”
Pooja was dying to explain these things right since she commenced her practice. Like a school teacher, she started elucidating everything and anything she knew. Her lecture continued uninterrupted for next twenty minutes when she realized something. Everything she was saying was going on deaf ears! They were staring at her hungrily and unabashed.
She thrashed, “What the hell you think are you doing!”
Completely mesmerized, one of them replied, “Madam, you look so beautiful!”
That was the limit. All hell had broken loose. Her face had gone all red. Her eyes were burning with fury. It was the scariest moment for the two lads. She elevated from her seat banging her fists heavily on the table. She bellowed, “If you both don’t leave my premises in the next three seconds, I am going to smother you two to death!”
The twosome ran for their lives. Pooja hurriedly snatched her phone and dialed Rahul’s mobile. She cried,
“What kind of dumb, idiotic, good for nothing, @#%^&, *&^##@ friends do you have? They have no shame whatsoever. Do you understand the kind of trauma by which I am going through?”
Rahul was not listening.
He replied, “Haa kya? It’s alright. Ladke aise hi hote hain. Tu tension mat le. By the way, do you know where you can find good Mexican food in Aurangabad? A few friends of mine have come”.
“I don’t know. But, why are you asking me??”
“YOU ARE A DIETICIAN. YOU SHOULD KNOW!”

THUD!! BANG! The phone came crashing down on the floor. The whole office started revolving around her eyes. The next moment, Pooja fainted.

Next day. Morning 7 am.
Shanti Nursing Home, Kokanwadi, Aurangabad.

It was a chaos. The Nursing Home was surrounded by the heavy duty vehicles of Aaj Tak, CNBC, CNN, NDTV and ETV Marathi. Hundreds of people had gathered to decipher what the situation was. Another hundred on-lookers were curious what the former hundred were looking at. The news channels had located their favorite spots at the nooks and corners of the Home to place their reporters and cameramen for live and exclusive news. Nobody fully understood what was going on. The historic city of Aurangabad never had such huge publicity in spite of portraying itself as the city of world heritage Ajanta and Ellora caves!

The Nursing Home inside was unusually calm. Pooja was sitting on the extreme corner bed. The room was filled with all kind of mental patients like her. She switched on the TV.
AAJ TAK: “Sansanikhez news: Kal sham paach baje Aurangabad main Miss Pooja Gupta, shehar ki jaani maani dietician behosh paayi gayi. Hamare sanvaddata aapko unki sehat ki jankari har minute dete rahenge. Yeh khabar exclusive sirf AAj Tak pe. Sabse tez”

CNN: “World renowned dietician Pooja Gupta was admitted last night at Shanti Nursing Home in Aurangabad for symptoms of becoming mentally handicapped. Our correspondent reports the likelihood of family problems, excessive alcoholic intake and work stress.”

She picked up the Times of India. The headline read,
‘DIETICIAN FOUND IN COMA. STRUGGLING FOR LIFE’
Aurangabad: In one of the most bizarre incidents, a successful dietician Pooja Gupta was found unconscious in her office at Aurangabad, yesterday evening. She was promptly admitted at the Shanti Nursing Home. The doctors at the Home are refusing to disclose any information. However, one of the doctors at an eminent hospital of Aurangabad reports, “It was a bad situation. She has gone into coma for sure; however the causes are difficult to comprehend. God save the poor lady”.

Pooja was getting sick of all the news and attention. Accidentally, one of the reporters of NDTV was successful in sneaking into the hospital. He ran towards the poor lady. With a lot of pleading and begging, he finally convinced her to give a short interview. The reporter started, “Have you become mentally unstable?”
“Yes, I have.”
“What has caused this? Does your husband harass you everyday?”
“It’s because of work stress and I am not married”.

“One last question. IN HOW MANY DAYS DO YOU PROMISE TO REDUCE THE WEIGHT OF A PERSON BY TEN KGS????”

“NAHI!!!! HELP!! SAVE ME!!”

It was 2 am in the morning. Suddenly the bedroom door creaked open. Pooja was sitting upright on her bed sweating profoundly. Her mother came hurriedly towards her. Sitting by her bedside, she consoled her, “Its ok, Pooja. You just had a bad dream. Now go off to sleep. Good night. Sweet dreams.” Feeling relieved, Pooja slept again.

Next day. 7 in the morning
Ajinkya’s residence.

“Ajinkya, would you please get the today’s newspaper?” his father said.
“Yes, dad.”
He went towards the door and picked up the Times of India. The headline read,
‘DIETICIAN FOUND IN COMA. STRUGGLING FOR LIFE’

THE END